(Pssst… Did you know that there is a podcast version of this blog post as well? Same same but different different. Listen with the player below or or subscribe to the show on Itune or Stitcher to never miss an episode. And you can read the transcription of the podcast here.)
Mama Bliss is remembering that our kids chose us for a reason.
A friend shared this with me when I was pregnant for the first time nearly a decade ago. There’s a Tibetan belief that when a couple is making love a baby’s soul gets attracted to the energy the couple puts out. Luckily, I put out a lot more energy back ten years ago when I was putting out so we caught ourselves the perfect matches that endure our best attempts to parent in even the most challenging of times.
I find this idea so beautiful, and forgiving, to think that our children chose us – flaws and all.
And this concept eases the guilt that occasionally rises up when I’m elbows deep in work, shorter in patience, or just simply not Mama Bliss Poster Mama. When they see aspects of my personality that are less than Pinterest-worthy I realize that overwehlm’s creeping in and it’s time to hit pause and see which of my four pillars to Mama Bliss might need readjustment (self-care, creativity, values and simplicity).
Mama Bliss is recognizing glimmers of myself, and all those I love, in them.
And I don’t mean this one the egotistical sense like, hey, check it out, – the kids got my naturally straight teeth and easy tanning skin because, well, they totally didn’t.
But it’s more like my bliss explodes when I catch the more subtle nuances that remind me of aspects of myself I’m proud of or of someone else that’s made an impression on me in a positive way.
Such moments include when Kale looks exactly like my little brother did when he was five years old laughing at at a clever knock knock joke I came up with, or Edie has that same mischievous smirk my best friend in highschool had right before we got up to no good.
The glimmers happen too when I see Craig’s grandma’s kindness resurface back into our planet with Edie’s generosity or my dad’s love of flying reflected in my son’s play.
I feel that my intensity of my love for my children allows me to fall in love with humanity itself (not to mention ex-boyfriends – but not in that way) all over again despite the atrocities, injustice and greed out there.
And on that note, Mama Bliss is rediscovering hope for the world.
I deeply feel that Mama Bliss is a healing process for the world that begins within Mama herself. So many abrasive aspects of my life’s journey has been soothed by allowing this Deep Love to guide me toward allowing more compassion toward myself and in turn, to those around me.
All decisions I’ve made since finding out I was to become a mom have lead to exploring aspects of myself I’ve neglected, been fearful of or haven’t yet explored.
For instance, I ended up nursing my kids for what felt forever because, first of all, I didn’t mind. I felt the ritual of sitting down to pause was a balm of sorts to my tendency to ‘do, do, do’ (maybe that’s why her nickname is “Doo Doo”?). And then when I began to mind, three years in, the nursing relationship ended without much fanfare.
Another example is honoring my tendency to embrace a pretty minimalist approach to kid stuff. This decision from the pregnancy test positive get go also lend itself to a lot of boundary building with friends and family but apparently that was a muscle I needed to build up and model to my kids – a life-skill essential to this sometimes complicated Brave New Blurry Boundaries World.
And finally hope is reignited by the strength I feel when I pay attention that my needs are met first by ensuring my self-care SHOES are shined up I’m lending some greater medicine to the world at large. If my self-care practices slide, I’m no good to anyone. And I have a lot of good to share with a lot of people!
Mama Bliss is knowing an oasis of peace and love is at the center of it all.
Overwhelm reminds me of the mother of all initiations into motherhood. A little something many of us have experienced: labour.
I remember the intensity of the rushes washing up all over me for what felt like eternity. But in reality they only lasted a few minutes at the most.
Then there was a pause in the chaos. A moment to gather up my strength again and take on another one.
But even in the throes of the most intense contractions there was always a nugget of the truth that my already undying love for my child working with me to come into this world, is not only worth it but at the center of all that I do. And still is.
Today, the rushes I experience come in the form of overwhelm.
So to master blast that overwhelm away – what to do? You are correct. Lean on the four pillars once again and fortify.
Mama Bliss comes and goes, and the coaching tools I teach mamas in Mama Bliss Coaching School ensures that we can guide ourselves, as well as our clients, back to it with once we recognize that it’s just a few deep breaths away.